Hi guys,
My new blog is now live. Check me out at http://www.carlazuill.com/. Thanks for the support!
Thursday 17 November 2011
Friday 11 November 2011
Thursday 10 November 2011
Wednesday 26 October 2011
My blog is striking a nerve already.....
I've only been blogging for a month and already there have been almost 3900 hits. Hmmm...do you all really care what I have to say or do some of u come here religiously because ya scared about what I may say about you?
Already a few of you have forwarded my posts to my ex. Don't bother me none but lemme ask u something. Why do u insist? Me and my kids don't mean anything to him and I've been known that so what's in it for u? You don't have to go thru alla that. I'm not a threat nor do I sweat him so ya free to enjoy him to the fullest. He is single and so am I so your efforts are fruitless. But I applaud em because I know tricks would do anything to seem like they are "better". But u are. For now. I wish u all the best.
Now let me set the record straight. This blog is not to expose or embarrass anyone. It's simply a tool i now use to serve a purpose....to express how I feel about everything and anything. If I'm saying it here ain't nothing I haven't said to whomever's face. I have nothing to lie about or hide and since NONE of you do anything for my kids i could care less what u think (lemme pause to thank those of u who have given me things for the kids. Much appreciated. U have done more than any of their families have on all sides including mine).
Now back to my point....
See, this blog is saving me from doing time. I was very angry for a very long time n couldn't let go. But I realized that all in was hurting was myself. I was mad at me because I made bad choices. I was willing and able to lash out with the intent of causing serious harm. My tongue is even worst than my pen. And trust it has caused damage. But now that I blog I don't even get anywhere as angry as i used to. And i have to give props to Mrs.Vickers and Darius at the Centre Against Abuse cause it it wasn't for them I would have surely been down co-Ed running from a hungry inmate named Pat by now!
For those of you who actually know me, u know that from a very young child I've always loved music and media. And nothing has changed. I loved it so much I went to school and got a degree in media. I could have been anything I wanted to but I chose this path because I LOVE IT. So get over it.
And if my blogs bother u then understand u have a choice to NOT read it. And for those of u who are afraid that I will blog about u cause u know ya done me dirty, lemme put ya mind to rest. It's coming. Just gonna express myself when the time hits me. I only write when my heart and hands are in sync.
So the next time you choose to forward portions of this blog for your personal gain remember: I am not a threat. Unless you personally eff w me or one of my kids.
Already a few of you have forwarded my posts to my ex. Don't bother me none but lemme ask u something. Why do u insist? Me and my kids don't mean anything to him and I've been known that so what's in it for u? You don't have to go thru alla that. I'm not a threat nor do I sweat him so ya free to enjoy him to the fullest. He is single and so am I so your efforts are fruitless. But I applaud em because I know tricks would do anything to seem like they are "better". But u are. For now. I wish u all the best.
Now let me set the record straight. This blog is not to expose or embarrass anyone. It's simply a tool i now use to serve a purpose....to express how I feel about everything and anything. If I'm saying it here ain't nothing I haven't said to whomever's face. I have nothing to lie about or hide and since NONE of you do anything for my kids i could care less what u think (lemme pause to thank those of u who have given me things for the kids. Much appreciated. U have done more than any of their families have on all sides including mine).
Now back to my point....
See, this blog is saving me from doing time. I was very angry for a very long time n couldn't let go. But I realized that all in was hurting was myself. I was mad at me because I made bad choices. I was willing and able to lash out with the intent of causing serious harm. My tongue is even worst than my pen. And trust it has caused damage. But now that I blog I don't even get anywhere as angry as i used to. And i have to give props to Mrs.Vickers and Darius at the Centre Against Abuse cause it it wasn't for them I would have surely been down co-Ed running from a hungry inmate named Pat by now!
For those of you who actually know me, u know that from a very young child I've always loved music and media. And nothing has changed. I loved it so much I went to school and got a degree in media. I could have been anything I wanted to but I chose this path because I LOVE IT. So get over it.
And if my blogs bother u then understand u have a choice to NOT read it. And for those of u who are afraid that I will blog about u cause u know ya done me dirty, lemme put ya mind to rest. It's coming. Just gonna express myself when the time hits me. I only write when my heart and hands are in sync.
So the next time you choose to forward portions of this blog for your personal gain remember: I am not a threat. Unless you personally eff w me or one of my kids.
Tuesday 25 October 2011
Witnessing black love
Besides Na'im acting up at the airport, I had the BEST weekend ever. One of my first cousins, Kyle, got married on Saturday. No, I am not on a corny high after seeing the nuptials 'cause rarely do I go to a wedding and wish i was the bride (although I did feel a pang for the first time in years) but because I was surrounded by genuine black love on so many levels.
Firstly, the bride and groom. I am so happy for Kyle and Erica. Not only are we first cousins but he was also my best friend growing up. We lived next door to each other for years until my uncle took the family to America to start a new life. I remember bawling my eyes out at the airport as they went through the gate. My best buddie was leaving but I found peace in knowing that in would see him again. But I didn't see him for years and I accepted that I would probably just have to hold on to the memories that played such a huge part of my childhood. Believe it or not, i found him a couple of years ago on Facebook butbit would be 25 years before we ever laid eyes on each other again!
Thanksgiving 2009 was the best ever as Kyle and his parents spent it in Bermuda. I was stoked. In was just twobweeks away from giving birth to Eemy. Part of me even wished I went into labour early sonthey could meet the newest addition to the family. On November 30 ,2009, Kyle and i talked and I remember asking him: how come such a nice guy like u is still single?
He said: dunno cuz. I think I'm too picky.
Well I swear it may have just been nine months later I get an inbox| cuz I'm getting married next year and i would love if u could make it. I told him I would be there. And I was. Front and centre. At the reception! Te bride and groom toasted each other. They both said beautiful things but what I found most profound was their history...they were together in high school. She ended up marrying someone else. For years. It didnt work out. One day she called my cuz. And the rest is history. Their true love for each other conquered all.
Black love 2: My cousin Kev n his wife Tiff. The most hilarious corny in love still on their honeymoon two and a half years later love. Sooo funny n sweet to watch. Words cannot describe how in tune they are with each other. She loses something. He finds it. He starts a sentence. She finishes it. He steals kisses. She loves hugs. They made my heart sing this weekend. I have such a newfound love n respect for them. Oh did I add she's 24 and he's 27? Maturity has no age.
Black love 3: Four of the five Ks: my five baby cousins (including the one above). The love they have for each other is admirable. Don't get me wrong. They r far from angelic but they are all positive young men. I am thankful that my sons will have them as role models.
Black love 4:A woman who has finally discovered true love n happiness. On the flight home last night, the plane was empty but they had me on the aisle and a lady I'd known for many year was at the window. We talked about her new husband. She was happy. And she was glowing. But one sentence is something that I vowed to carry with me. She said: one day i woke up and decided to walk away from everyone in my life who was not bringing me joy. And she said when she did one day out of the blue, while on vacation, she met HIM, the man who would change her life forever. I really think I needed to hear that. She has inspired me. And I am truly happy for her.
Black love: my uncle his wife his sons and ME: Every time my uncle and i have our one on ones he always says to me: Carla, you are more than my niece, you are my daughter. I can tell him all of my secrets without judgement and he is straight up with me. He pulls no punches. Ever.
Well this weekend we road tripped to the wedding! Shared hotel rooms, prayed together and laughed together. I have to give u the visual. My uncle never smiles. He always has this gruff persona he tries to emit but we just laugh at him and know that if he isn't telling one of us off then it's all good.
I never wanted this weekend to end. I'm so grateful for the experience because it made me realize I want....black love.
Firstly, the bride and groom. I am so happy for Kyle and Erica. Not only are we first cousins but he was also my best friend growing up. We lived next door to each other for years until my uncle took the family to America to start a new life. I remember bawling my eyes out at the airport as they went through the gate. My best buddie was leaving but I found peace in knowing that in would see him again. But I didn't see him for years and I accepted that I would probably just have to hold on to the memories that played such a huge part of my childhood. Believe it or not, i found him a couple of years ago on Facebook butbit would be 25 years before we ever laid eyes on each other again!
Thanksgiving 2009 was the best ever as Kyle and his parents spent it in Bermuda. I was stoked. In was just twobweeks away from giving birth to Eemy. Part of me even wished I went into labour early sonthey could meet the newest addition to the family. On November 30 ,2009, Kyle and i talked and I remember asking him: how come such a nice guy like u is still single?
He said: dunno cuz. I think I'm too picky.
Well I swear it may have just been nine months later I get an inbox| cuz I'm getting married next year and i would love if u could make it. I told him I would be there. And I was. Front and centre. At the reception! Te bride and groom toasted each other. They both said beautiful things but what I found most profound was their history...they were together in high school. She ended up marrying someone else. For years. It didnt work out. One day she called my cuz. And the rest is history. Their true love for each other conquered all.
Black love 2: My cousin Kev n his wife Tiff. The most hilarious corny in love still on their honeymoon two and a half years later love. Sooo funny n sweet to watch. Words cannot describe how in tune they are with each other. She loses something. He finds it. He starts a sentence. She finishes it. He steals kisses. She loves hugs. They made my heart sing this weekend. I have such a newfound love n respect for them. Oh did I add she's 24 and he's 27? Maturity has no age.
Black love 3: Four of the five Ks: my five baby cousins (including the one above). The love they have for each other is admirable. Don't get me wrong. They r far from angelic but they are all positive young men. I am thankful that my sons will have them as role models.
Black love 4:A woman who has finally discovered true love n happiness. On the flight home last night, the plane was empty but they had me on the aisle and a lady I'd known for many year was at the window. We talked about her new husband. She was happy. And she was glowing. But one sentence is something that I vowed to carry with me. She said: one day i woke up and decided to walk away from everyone in my life who was not bringing me joy. And she said when she did one day out of the blue, while on vacation, she met HIM, the man who would change her life forever. I really think I needed to hear that. She has inspired me. And I am truly happy for her.
Black love: my uncle his wife his sons and ME: Every time my uncle and i have our one on ones he always says to me: Carla, you are more than my niece, you are my daughter. I can tell him all of my secrets without judgement and he is straight up with me. He pulls no punches. Ever.
Well this weekend we road tripped to the wedding! Shared hotel rooms, prayed together and laughed together. I have to give u the visual. My uncle never smiles. He always has this gruff persona he tries to emit but we just laugh at him and know that if he isn't telling one of us off then it's all good.
I never wanted this weekend to end. I'm so grateful for the experience because it made me realize I want....black love.
10 telltale signs he just don't want you
Day in, day out people confide in me about their relationship trials and tribulations. I listen cause obviously they are burdened but sometimes I really feel like a hypocrite 'cause it ain't like I have any sort of model relationship. In fact, I have no clue what I have because 99% of the time it's just me and the kids. Eery weekend. Every holiday and just about week day, it's just me and the three Musketeers. And you know what, I'm pretty at peace with it so that I could move on with the man who will treasure and appreciate me for who I am and what I have to offer. But the one thing I can't stand is a man who won't let go...especially when he has no interest in taking a substantive role in the relationship.
Men make me laugh! No let me rephrase that. BOYS make me laugh...they always wanna have their cake and eat it too. They think they can cheat and do whatever they want, be sorry they got caught, beg for a little forgiveness then expect for everything to be ok. Well peeps I am no longer that one. I ain't got no ring on my finger so I feel no desire to put up with substandard crap any longer. And no, that doesn't always mean cheating,but if a man would rather be everywhere and anywhere except with you there definitely is a problem. But homey don't get mad if there are many clamoring to be where u refuse to!
Ladies, life is too short to settle for shit. And to the GOOD MEN out there, you better not either! I know full well that there are some trifling women out there too.
So for those of you who may be in doubt about whether your man has checked out, I've compiled a list called Tootsie's Telltale Signs that he don't want you.....
1. He cheats while ya pregnant
2. He cheats while you're home taking care of the baby
3. He does nothing with u and takes you nowhere
4. He turns off his phone when you're around but it's always on when ya not
5. He always blames people in his home for why he never comes around
6. Always has to go to help someone (wonder what body part needed help?)
7. Tells lies to anyone who will listen
8. Blames u for everything that goes wrong but refuses to go counseling
9. Ignores your calls and says they left the phone 'in my bag'
10.doesn't want you to move on yet continues to repeat many of the signs above
I implore you not to be a fool. You deserve better. And so do I.
4.
Men make me laugh! No let me rephrase that. BOYS make me laugh...they always wanna have their cake and eat it too. They think they can cheat and do whatever they want, be sorry they got caught, beg for a little forgiveness then expect for everything to be ok. Well peeps I am no longer that one. I ain't got no ring on my finger so I feel no desire to put up with substandard crap any longer. And no, that doesn't always mean cheating,but if a man would rather be everywhere and anywhere except with you there definitely is a problem. But homey don't get mad if there are many clamoring to be where u refuse to!
Ladies, life is too short to settle for shit. And to the GOOD MEN out there, you better not either! I know full well that there are some trifling women out there too.
So for those of you who may be in doubt about whether your man has checked out, I've compiled a list called Tootsie's Telltale Signs that he don't want you.....
1. He cheats while ya pregnant
2. He cheats while you're home taking care of the baby
3. He does nothing with u and takes you nowhere
4. He turns off his phone when you're around but it's always on when ya not
5. He always blames people in his home for why he never comes around
6. Always has to go to help someone (wonder what body part needed help?)
7. Tells lies to anyone who will listen
8. Blames u for everything that goes wrong but refuses to go counseling
9. Ignores your calls and says they left the phone 'in my bag'
10.doesn't want you to move on yet continues to repeat many of the signs above
I implore you not to be a fool. You deserve better. And so do I.
4.
Monday 24 October 2011
I will never travel solo with a one year old again
Just wrapping up a trip to visit family. Had a blast! Nothing but giggles, hugs and kisses galore. I'm gonna talk about that later but right now I have to vent. I love this little boy butnhe is the worst travel buddy I've ever had. Doesn't keep still, screams to the top of his lungs for every and any thing (he's doing it now cause I won't let him run all over the place but do I care?).
The people at the next table arestaring and I'm here typing like I'm sitting on the beach in Bahamas. Why? Because any other response will be unsavory. People are staring n probably think I kidnapped him the way he's carrying on but on the outside I'm cool calm n collected.
I feel like grabbing someone husband n screaming: marry me so u can carry him n one of these pull up laden bags, but I don't. Definitely tempted though. And the flight don't leave for still another two hours. The only that settles him is sugar free gum but he's swallowed so many pieces I swear I've clogged him up! Such a price to pay for peace.
I'm tired of the matronly table cleaner looking at me with a silent: seely beetch, should háček used a condom. Up yours lady!
Now lemme head to the gate n let him drive another set of passengers insane.
The people at the next table arestaring and I'm here typing like I'm sitting on the beach in Bahamas. Why? Because any other response will be unsavory. People are staring n probably think I kidnapped him the way he's carrying on but on the outside I'm cool calm n collected.
I feel like grabbing someone husband n screaming: marry me so u can carry him n one of these pull up laden bags, but I don't. Definitely tempted though. And the flight don't leave for still another two hours. The only that settles him is sugar free gum but he's swallowed so many pieces I swear I've clogged him up! Such a price to pay for peace.
I'm tired of the matronly table cleaner looking at me with a silent: seely beetch, should háček used a condom. Up yours lady!
Now lemme head to the gate n let him drive another set of passengers insane.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)